Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Christmas Grumpies

I love Christmas, absolutely, positively LOVE it. I love that we celebrate Jesus' birth (the greatest gift ever given). I love the traditions I've created with my Fab 5 family. I love the get-togethers, the yummy goodies, the lights all aglow. . . all of it.

But every year it never fails I get the Christmas grumpies and when the grumpies come I'm feisty and ill. Each year I make a proclamation, "Next year, I'm not dealing with this mess. Enough is enough. I'm sick of this." My poor Fab 5 family. . . having to deal with my extended family's junk and drama. Jon is so low-key, he and his family. His sweet Mama would just assume us all be together on a different day other than Christmas to celebrate just so we can all be together. That's how I'm going to be when my kiddos are older. Gigi has even told stories of some Christmases she and Gdaddy eating a slaw dog for lunch, simply because they were celebrating with all of us at a later time.

I come with baggage. My whole life it's been a split of two families each and every holiday. It just is what it is. After a while you get tired and weary and say, "To heck with it all."

Melissa and I try to be on the same page with where we spend what day and with whom. That way, at least we're together. She really loves staying at home on Christmas Day. This year that's what we said we would do, stay home. We made plans to knock Mama and Daddy's out on one day, Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve at Grandmama's at 2:00 for dessert and coffee. It's Grandmama's because Daddy doesn't have a house. If he had a house it would be at his house and we would see Grandmama another day. We then decided we would eat dinner at Mama and James'.

Jonathan has to work on Christmas so this plan doesn't work for Jonathan and Kristen. I get it. Life happens. Some Christmases just work where you're not all together. Last year Kristen had to work the day after Christmas so they decided to do what was best for their family and come later. And, that's exactly what they should have done. . . what's best for THEIR family, not my family or Melissa's family, or Mama and James, but THEIR family. Mama calls me this afternoon, "I sure do wish we could do Christmas, Christmas night. That way we could all be together. Kristen is so disappointed that we can't be together." Me: "Mama, I understand, but Kristen has to understand we have a Daddy we need to go and see too. We have a whole 'nother element to our Christmas that Kristen doesn't have. It would almost be easier to live really far away from everyone. That way there are no expectations of you. We would really like to not have to come to Macon twice." Because, guess what, Mama and Kristen? We have a life too, a very busy life and we would like to rest and relax and enjoy one another without going from here to Timbuktu over the course of a few days. Then Mama throws at me, "On your way here I want you to stop at Granny's. She has a present for the kids." That's another visit that's going to take at least an hour. Another stop, another visit. Granny gets the kids something every year and we don't make a stop at her house, why this year? Grrr. I can always go to Granny's  another day where it's not so busy and I would have more time to spend with her. But, nope, it has to be Christmas Eve.

Don't get me wrong I love my family fiercely. And I'm grateful, grateful to have people to share the holidays with and grateful for loved ones. And today, especially with a rant like this one, I'm grateful for grace.

I'm going to start saving my pennies because next year the Fab 5 and I will be out of town far, far away. I have to deal with this drama and mess every.single.year. Enough is enough. And when my children are grown and gone with families of their own, I hope to remember all of this. . . remember how it feels to be pulled, torn, and tugged in a hundred different directions trying to make everyone else happy.


Sunday, December 18, 2016

Just For Fun

I saw this on Facebook the other day. I really didn't feel like posting my results on there, but I thought it would be fun to do it here. 

Piercings...4 (two in each ear)
Marriages ..1
Shot a gun... yes
Quit a job.. yes
Flown on a plane.. yes
Gone over 100 miles in a car... yes
Gone over 100mph in a car... no
Hit a deer...yes
Gone zip lining...yes - so fun
Cried over someone... Yes - many, many times
Fell in love.... Yes
Skipped school... yes
Watched someone give birth
Watched someone die...yes
Been to
Ridden in an
Been to Hawaii?
Been to Europe...yes, layover long enough in London to go see the changing of the guard
Been to Washington D.C...yes
Visited Florida.. yes.
Visited Las Vegas...unfortunately yes, twice.
Sang karaoke... no
Laughed so much you cried...Yes
Had a pet(s)...Yes
Been sledding on big hill... yes
Been downhill
Rode on a motorcycle... does a 3-wheeler count?
Rode a Horse...yes
Stayed in a hospital...yes.
Donated blood...yes.
Driven a stick shift...yes
Rode in the back of a police

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

What I Would Have Missed.

Tuesday night is Lifegroup night. Wednesday night is church and some Thursday nights are taken, as well. The LORD has been tugging at my heart about being present and available for my family. I ditched Lifegroup for the second week in a row. Because I chose to miss this gathering of people, people who live 30 minutes or more away from me, people whose path I don't cross unless it's in this Lifegroup, people that are in a different phase of life than me. . . This is what I gained and would have missed.

  • Sweet conversation with Ashley about choices, friends, things that are important to her versus things that are important to her friends. Where her friends are headed in the future and where she would like to be. It was sweet, sweet, sweet. Ash has a great group of friends and I'm very thankful she has them. I just love her opening up to me and asking my advice and me hearing her heart. 
  • Dinner with all Fab 5, which means laughter, sharing of our day, Alec and Hanna commenting about how much Dale's seasoning I put in the burgers and Ash loving all that seasoning. 
  • Watching our new favorite show together, gasping over the plot twists and during the commercials Alec sharing funnies with us from his work. 
  • Walking Gus. Being in the woods gives me such a peace. 
  • Hanging out with Hanna while the boys watch their show. Me and the Hanster don't care for it.
  • Watching Ash drive herself to soccer practice. Praying as I watch her leave. 
Sometimes you have to give up the good in order to choose the best. For today, I chose the best. 

Happy Tuesday.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Friday Fumblings

We're nearing an end to another week. Another week of school. Another week of work. Another week of life. It's been a little slower this week because I didn't have CC this Tuesday. Yet, I feel other things filled in the time.

Highlights of this week:

Ash got her license. The first place she drove was Gigi's. She's having to get used to texting me when she leaves and when she arrives. She doesn't mind doing this. She knows it's part of the Driving Rules. She's just like me, though, and has a hard time remembering. :) The next day she drove to Walmart. She felt so free and so independent. It's been sweet to see her so excited. My friend, Lisa, texted me and asked me if I was sad. I've never been one of those moms. I texted her, "I just get sad when they leave me for good." It's neat to see a new phase of life beginning.

We skipped Moxie Wednesday night and the kiddos when to Josh and Lydia's for a bonfire. I'm so thankful that even though we've been gone from SBC for two years now they still continue to do things with the youth. I'm thankful Lydia and I meet for Bible study and I get to see that precious Huddy grow up. I'm thankful for all the close relationships I still have intact from SBC.

Thursday Ash kept Brent for Ms. Lisa and we let her drive there. She's not driving her car yet, as she needs a rear-view mirror. She's been sportin' the van and is ready to have her own wheels out on the road.

I'm in such a place of GO. Some of this has to do with the ages my children are. Well, kinda. Now, Hanna is the only one I need to take places. This week for church stuff I would have been gone Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights. I actually showed up for none of those events. I just felt my presence was more needed at home. I've been in some fuzzy gray area of life, thinking through and wrestling with the questions. . .

Where is my Jesus community supposed to be? The church would tell me the church is supposed to be my Jesus community. I would have agreed with this years ago. However, right now it's praying with Kim once a month, praying with my prayer buddies once a month, praying with my CC directors once a month, praying with Bethany every Friday morning. It's Bible study with Lydia. I'm making friends at church and everyone has been very nice, even checking on me when I can't make things. They're just not my community. I'm in a place where I really feel so needed at home. Not needed to cook, clean, or take care of people, but needed to be available. It's where I feel the Holy Spirit tugging my heart. . .to not be at the church all the time, but to be home. There is so little teaching on this. Bethany and I talked through the grays and fuzzy this morning. We're both on the same page. However, the church screams something entirely differently. Holiness happens in the home, though. Church is a place where we meet with other believers to be encouraged in good deeds. I have that with my Jesus community. I'm not saying I don't want to go to church. I am encouraged by the worship and teaching at our church. However, I just don't think I need to be there every time the doors are open or involved in everything that's thrown my way. Still trying to muddle through all of this, fumble and find my way into how the Holy Spirit is leading. My first disciples are the three under my roof. My primary focus is loving Jesus and loving my husband and my babies. If I'm gone two to three nights a week and maybe even more, how can this be done effectively?

Alec had a blow out on his way home from work. Praise Jesus he's okay. Jon has gone to meet him to fix it. Ash is working tonight. I'm about to take Hanna to a spend the night bday party from a friend at church. I met my precious Makayla at Safehouse for coffee late morning. I always love that place and love my time with her. Yep, more Jesus community there, too.

I'm heading for my own GNO with Faith, Lisa, and Jen. We're celebrating Lisa tonight. Yeah, these three, they're my Jesus community too. Oh, and how could I ever forget CC? There's more Jesus community. See why I'm so muddled and fumbled and tired? When texting with my friends earlier we were deciding on a time. Because we all know one another so well we told Faith and I 6:15 and Jenn and Lisa 5:45, to which Jenn responded 5:30 for me, which means she's leaving her house at 5:00. We'll see. We're swapping it up tonight. Saki instead of Margos and, as always, Corner Cafe for cake and coffee.

Ta-ta for now.