Praying to exhaustion.
Needing to be so close to Jesus where there would be many nights I would sleep with my Bible and just cling to it all.night.long.
Laboring in prayer.
I have so many posts I need to catch up on, but all this is so fresh I just have to praise the LORD publicly and I want to remember this, for it to be etched into my heart, my soul, and the very fiber of my being.
First of all, I love Jesus more now than I ever have. It's because HE is in the the storm, and what a tumultuous storm we've endured. I've learned, though, I want to be where ever He is, and if it's in a storm, then, Amen, storm come.
Last night we had our last dinner at the Dwarf House at CFA. Sean, one of the Managers, came up to our table and said the following:
"I want you guys to know I have supervised many, many people over the years. Out of all the people I've supervised Alec makes my Top 10. You guys have done an incredible job raising him."
My eyes welled with tears and I could barely choke out a, "Thank you. You don't know how much that means to us." If I would have blinked, a tsunami of tears would have hit our table. I look over at Jon. His eyes look the same as mine. It wasn't a skinny second our girls noticed and started laughing at us. This made us laugh and made Jon blame his tears on my tears.
It wasn't my tears that gave life to Jon's tears. It was Sean's words that brought forth our heart water. His words gave life. . . life to two exhausted parents, life to parents who have felt like utter and complete failures the last five months.
As I sat across the table from Alec this morning, I told him of Mr. Sean's words. I was sure to let him know how proud we are of him, for representing our family well at CFA. As our conversation progressed I asked him how hard it was that he wasn't back at GSU. It was his decision not to back. We didn't make him stay home. If it would have ever been up to me, I would have never let him go in the first place. But here's the sweet part of letting him go, letting him make his own decisions, letting him fail and loving him unconditionally all the while this is going on. He said, "I'm actually really glad to be home. I really missed you guys much more than I thought I would." Amongst fraternities and all that goes with that life, tons of kids his age, freedom, etc. . . he missed us and he's glad to be home. If we would have never let him go, he may have never known these things. A kiss from my sweet Jesus, I tell you.
I'm starting to see the light of day. Now mind you, prayer is always necessary and very much needed. I won't stop praying or praising because I've come to a point in my life where He is my very breath on many days. But it's nice, oh, so nice to see light breaking forth in the darkness.
My heart is full of love and joy for my Savior and all the incredible ways He loves this broken, failed, and downtrodden mother.