Friday, October 2, 2015

Simply Rich

For me the richest things in life are the simplest. For today these are what have made me simply rich.

1) Fresh flowers from a friend (Evalina).

2)Time crying to Jesus.

3) Knowing God is working even while Satan is attacking. I'll take the God is working and Satan attacking rather than no Satan attacking and no God working.

4) Sweet talk with Gigi about prayer and how our entire family is being attacked by the enemy. I love her so and really have the best mother-in-law ever.

5) James calling telling me to put on a pot of coffee.

6) Drinking a cup of coffee with Mama and James at my kitchen table.

7) A clean house.

8) Time to pray.

9) Time to take a 30-minute cat nap.

10) My girls diligently doing their school.

11) Trail walks with Gus.

12) The feel of fall in the air.

13) Jesus bringing an old friend back into my life, knowing I needed her.

14) Laughter.

15) Conversations with my girlies.

16) Driving up to the house in the dark, looking through the windows watching the girls doing their school.

17) A make-up text from Jon after a few days of fighting with silence.

18) God's grace.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Day 30 - War Room

Fab 5 minus 1 went and saw War Room. It was such a great movie with a really great message. I loved being in the theater with some of those I love most in this world.

I loved the ladies in the movie watching who would comment or do an uh-huh or an Amen!! They were hilarious.

I loved how Hanna would look at me, scrunch up her nose, and laugh at those ladies.

I loved the message and the seeds it planted in the heart of my family.

I loved that we laughed together.

I loved that we got to see it for free because one of Jon's coworkers treated us with five movie tickets.

I missed Alec not being with us.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Day 18 - 29 - Coming out of the Blue

So my whole 30 days of blogging everyday went totally out the window.

I've been blue.

Down in the dumps, blue, however you want to say it. . .it's where I've been for the last week and a half or so.

Each morning I wake up feeling like I have a dark cloud hanging over my head. When I get like this I tend to withdraw, wanting to be shut up in my house away from people.

I miss Alec. I just miss him. . . . . terribly.

Learning to parent an adult child is difficult. I pray more now that I EVER have. I want him to know I'm a safe place to land, one who is for him, will build him up. The first few weeks he was gone he kept in touch quite a bit, actually more than I expected.

However, he's finding his niche and his groove and his people and doesn't stay in touch as much. I'm having to pursue him more. . . how much, how little? I have no answers. The last two times I've talked with him he's seemed agitated and aggravated. I know it's not me. I haven't been around him or talked to him enough to make him mad. My Dad said yesterday it's probably just the pressure he feels. Probably so. And, I'm a safe place to land. . . . going to love him no matter what he says or how he says it.

He did call Mama the other day after she had called him about 4 times. I was thankful for that. My sisters and Mama have been precious. They text him and call him. It delights me so. He doesn't return any of their texts, but it's always nice to know you're loved and thought about.

It's just different. The world seems a little off orbit with him not being here. It just does. I know just about every Mama goes through this. Even our dental hygienist the other day was sharing her experience with me of having her boy go off to college versus her girl going off to college. It's so sweet of Jesus for the people He puts in my path to encourage me.

Now I feel the blue has been lifted and the dark cloud looming over my head is gone. I'm having days of sunshine and getting into normalcy. . . a normal that doesn't include having contact with Alec but a couple of times a week. It's just the way it is, and I'll do good to put my big girls pants on and accept it.

Meanwhile, I'm thankful for:

My precious husband who is my best friend, confidant, comforter and so much more. I told him recently, "This would be so much more difficult if you and I didn't like one another." He's my running partner and continues to make me laugh like crazy.

My two girls who I love cuddling up with and watching our newest show together, Cedar Cove. . I keep calling it Coldwater Creek. It must be the back to back Cs.

Watching Ash play a soccer tournament this weekend. A tense semi-final game at that. Oh. . . I love the tense games.

My Dad showing up to one day of the tournament and spending the whole day with us. It was delightful.

Morning talks with my Mama every morning.

Preparing for my girl to turn the big 1-5. To say she is excited is a huge understatement.

Getting ready for Hanna's first gymnastics tournament.

Upcoming opportunities to be the church outside of the building. Squeal!!!

Morning cups of coffee and time with Jesus. How in the world to people make it without Him?

Sweet friends who check on me. This one has been quite the surprise for me. My friends who I thought would reach out haven't and ones who I wouldn't have expected have. I'm thankful for sweet friendships Jesus is forming, old friendships He is renewing, and new friendships He is deepening.

My CC Community.

My prayer buddies.

Times at Gigi's.

Taking Gus on walks.

Laughter. . . oh, laughter. . . I have had much of that despite days of being blue.

It's Labor Day today. I just finished working and I think Jon and the girls and I are going to see "War Room." I'm excited. A friend of Jon's at work gave him free movie tickets. . . even better, huh?

Until tomorrow. . .

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Day 17 of 30 - Exhaustion

Everyone was so tired this morning. After rolling out of the bed at 4:45 a.m. to make Jon breakfast Jon expressed to me how tired he was. He told me, "If I were you I'd go back to bed." I decided to be a good little wife and submit. . .ha.ha. I laid up on the couch thinking, "Okay, my alarm on my watch always goes off at 6:00 a.m. I'll get an extra hour in and get up and get to working." When my eyes popped up and my brain was awakened it was 8:00 a.m. I must have needed that extra sleep because I totally slept through my alarm. Much to my surprise my girls weren't awake either.

All day yesterday Ash was very cuddly. It was precious. She would come sit beside me as I worked and just put her head on me. Normally that girl is raring to go. She's so motivated with her school. She's definitely a go-getter. She would even ask me, "Mom, when can we just sit on the couch and cuddle together?" I knew she must not be feeling well. This is how she was when she was a little girl when she didn't feel well. . . just needing her Mama to sit down with her and cuddle.

Hanna was tough to get motivated to do school as well. Hanna is normally up and at 'em at 7:00 a.m. Both girls didn't get up until 9:00. CC must have worn us all out on Monday. It's a good worn out, but worn out nonetheless.

I didn't get much work done but i was able to get my floors mopped. They were filthy so I was thankful for that. Gigi cooks on Tuesday so I didn't have to fuss with dinner. Hanna and I headed out for gymnastics. I worked on CC work and got in a run. My legs felt like lead and I literally had to talk myself into make each step of that 3-mile run. I'm really surprised i finished 3 miles. I wanted to quit after one lap. I kept thinking, "And I'm the lady who used to run marathons."

By 8:30 p.m. Hanna and I roll in, eat what Gigi cooked us for dinner, get our showers, and sit on the sofa with Jon and Ash. My eyes quickly rolled to the back of my head and I was out. I heard Jon saying, "We've got to get in the bed." I think it was about 9:45.

We've got a busy week. I'm hoping we get all rested up to do everything that needs to be done this week.

Until tomorrow. . .

Monday, August 24, 2015

Day 16 of 30 - Feeling Loved

It's been a rough week. It could have been much worse, but it's been a rough one.

Jesus has used so many people to love on me.

My precious, precious husband and very best friend. He's more than I could have ever imagined and way, way more than I've ever deserved. I'm thankful for his cuddles, his support, his love, his encouraging words, his phone calls and texts. The list could really go on, but I've only got 15 minutes. . .'member?

Hanna told me the other night she had a dream about how I always hold her hand as I fall asleep at night. She dreamed I died and she had my hand cut off so she could still continue to hold it.

I love my Ash. She's very sensitive to my heart and will come and cuddle up next to me if she thinks something is bothering me. She tells me all of her stories and every.single.detail. She's so much like her Mama. She shares with me selfies she's taken with her friends and keeps me informed of all the chatter amongst her girlfriends. I love how close we are.

I've had an outpouring of love from friends calling, texting, or asking me in person how I'm doing since Alec left home. I've really been quite overwhelmed by all the people who love me.

Today my big sister, Holly, called to check on me. She and I don't talk often, but I sure love it when we do. She told me today how she has been so teary eyed with Alec leaving for GSU and she couldn't imagine how I must be feeling. "He's like my very own," she said. Being that he was the first grandchild I think all of his aunts feel this way. I hope that boy knows how loved he is. Holly was so full of encouragement. My heart felt lighter after talking to her. I'm so glad we have her back!!!

My prayer buddies mean so much to me. I know if I text them they are praying and faithfully praying. I'm so thankful for them.

Jesus has been so good, so, so good to me.

With a full and grateful heart. . . Until tomorrow. . .

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Day 15 of 30 - Raining Sunday

This Sunday morning started out as a rainy day. Then it stopped. So Jon and I went running. Church doesn't start until 11:15. It's really nice to drink coffee, have time with Jesus, talk with my love, go on a run with him, and just not have to worry about the hustle and bustle of getting out of the house.

Jon and I got two miles in and had to quit because the rain got so hard. We had another wonderful talk today. I thanked him for our chats. They always do my heart so very good. We got home and I started getting ready for church. We were all dog tired and with the rain outside we decided to forego church this morning. They were having a night time connection tonight so we decided we'd do that.

We napped and went to Gigi's for lunch. It was nice to have a rest on a day God designed for us to rest. We had a great time at Gigi's, headed home, and then headed to church. We're starting to get plugged in and meet new friends, and that excites me. It's been a long time. . . too long.

We got back home and the girls were still working on CC. We had a day cut short this week since we had to go to Stockbridge on Tuesday. I don't like school going into the weekend, but gave them grace this week.

We put on a movie then all played Kinect. Now we're going to chill out some more and just enjoy being together.

Happy Sunday.

Until tomorrow. . .

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Days 13&14 of 30 - The Last Couple of Days

The last couple of days have been uber busy, like so busy I'm too tired to even process words. So I've combined two days into one post. Friday the girls and I went and saw Camelot Theatre's production of Peter Pan. It was really cute. We then headed to the skating rink. Alec told me he would be coming home around 3:00. I had planned on leaving the skating rink at 2:45 to beat him home. About 2:00 my phone rang. It was Alec, "Hey, Mom. I'm home. No one is here." I felt like a pile of poop. I explained to him where we were and apologized over and over.

He was really cool with it and had to go get his last check. That was the reason he came home. I'd like to think it was because he missed us and missed home. But, nah. . . it was because he needs money and he hasn't found a job yet. A Mom will get what she can take, right? When he pulled in the driveway I ran outside to meet him. I hugged him so tight and he hugged tight back. Normally he gives me what we call the "Alec pat" where he hardly hugs you but just pats your back. That kid has never been one for affection.

He came inside and he and the girls and I all sat around the table and talked. We laughed and talked and it was just wonderful. I took Hanna to gymnastics and came back home. I was cooking burgers on the stove along with making some homemade guac and bacon. Jesus allowed me to discover some things as I was cooking. . . things that will just make a Mama feel like she's been punched in the stomach. I've been really struggling over it. I wanted to address it right there and right then, but I knew that wasn't what was best because my emotions were so high.

I left to go get Hanna. I texted my prayer buddies to pray. I also called a friend of mine who I knew had had similar discoveries and said, "I need some advice and I need you to pray." She was so encouraging and sweet and full of wisdom. Before we got off the phone she prayed. After getting home and getting Hanna fed we all sat down as a family to watch TV. After a little while I went and got myself ready for bed except I did what I do a lot these days. I got down on my knees in my bathroom floor and I prayed and I cried. That's been a mark of this season of my life. . . on my knees in my bathroom floor praying and crying. After I finished I got my face cleared, kissed everyone goodnight and excused myself for bed.

I woke up at 2:45 a.m. and was unable to go back to sleep. My head was swirling. I eventually got up and worked until 5:00 a.m. As my eyes grew tired I headed to the sofa. I saw my Bible beside the couch. I picked it up and held it close. I told Jesus I needed Him to be so close to me and me so close to Him I just had to do what I knew to do in that moment, so I slept with my Bible. I've been through A LOT of junk and heartache in my 38 years  in this world. . . some of it beyond my control, some of it a result of my own actions. I've never felt the kind of desperation where I just had to sleep  with my Bible like a child would sleep with their favorite stuffed animal.

I woke up about 8:00. Jon was at the table and Hanna was beside me. I got a cup of coffee and Jon and I went on a run. Jon and I don't have a lot of privacy. Our girls (especially Hanna) love being with us. I cried the entire run. . . tears of a broken heart, tears of anger, tears of fear. Jon was so sweet and offered me such Godly wisdom and encouragement. I'm so thankful for him and his heart for others knowing Jesus and not morality or good works, for his heart of whatever it takes to know God's grace, for His reminders of the superheros of scripture who had really messed up stories. These were exactly the things my head and heart needed to hear.

I didn't have the energy to finish my run. Jon ran ahead of me and I walked. As I walked I told Jesus how mad I was and how I know I'm supposed to praise Him in everything, but this was difficult. "How can I praise you in this?" I asked Him. "I don't really want to praise You for this," I said like a spoiled child. "Why can't things be different, better? Why for some and not for others?" I questioned Him.

My feisty spirit within me started to quiet. He very sweetly whispered to my heart, "This is what is meant by the sacrifice of praise. . .when you don't want to praise me and you don't see how or why you should praise me, when you feel let down and discouraged, you praise Me anyway, because I know how this whole thing turns out, and I'm using it. You praise me sacrificially."

I later went to research sacrifice of praise. This is what I found. The Greek word for sacrifice means "to kill or slaughter for a purpose." I have to kill my sin in order to praise Jesus in those difficult moments. . .my sin of pride, selfishness, and fear. . . all for the purpose of praising Him when I do not understand or know.

For this is what it means to trust.

Until tomorrow. . .