Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Day 17 of 30 - Exhaustion

Everyone was so tired this morning. After rolling out of the bed at 4:45 a.m. to make Jon breakfast Jon expressed to me how tired he was. He told me, "If I were you I'd go back to bed." I decided to be a good little wife and submit. . .ha.ha. I laid up on the couch thinking, "Okay, my alarm on my watch always goes off at 6:00 a.m. I'll get an extra hour in and get up and get to working." When my eyes popped up and my brain was awakened it was 8:00 a.m. I must have needed that extra sleep because I totally slept through my alarm. Much to my surprise my girls weren't awake either.

All day yesterday Ash was very cuddly. It was precious. She would come sit beside me as I worked and just put her head on me. Normally that girl is raring to go. She's so motivated with her school. She's definitely a go-getter. She would even ask me, "Mom, when can we just sit on the couch and cuddle together?" I knew she must not be feeling well. This is how she was when she was a little girl when she didn't feel well. . . just needing her Mama to sit down with her and cuddle.

Hanna was tough to get motivated to do school as well. Hanna is normally up and at 'em at 7:00 a.m. Both girls didn't get up until 9:00. CC must have worn us all out on Monday. It's a good worn out, but worn out nonetheless.

I didn't get much work done but i was able to get my floors mopped. They were filthy so I was thankful for that. Gigi cooks on Tuesday so I didn't have to fuss with dinner. Hanna and I headed out for gymnastics. I worked on CC work and got in a run. My legs felt like lead and I literally had to talk myself into make each step of that 3-mile run. I'm really surprised i finished 3 miles. I wanted to quit after one lap. I kept thinking, "And I'm the lady who used to run marathons."

By 8:30 p.m. Hanna and I roll in, eat what Gigi cooked us for dinner, get our showers, and sit on the sofa with Jon and Ash. My eyes quickly rolled to the back of my head and I was out. I heard Jon saying, "We've got to get in the bed." I think it was about 9:45.

We've got a busy week. I'm hoping we get all rested up to do everything that needs to be done this week.

Until tomorrow. . .

Monday, August 24, 2015

Day 16 of 30 - Feeling Loved

It's been a rough week. It could have been much worse, but it's been a rough one.

Jesus has used so many people to love on me.

My precious, precious husband and very best friend. He's more than I could have ever imagined and way, way more than I've ever deserved. I'm thankful for his cuddles, his support, his love, his encouraging words, his phone calls and texts. The list could really go on, but I've only got 15 minutes. . .'member?

Hanna told me the other night she had a dream about how I always hold her hand as I fall asleep at night. She dreamed I died and she had my hand cut off so she could still continue to hold it.

I love my Ash. She's very sensitive to my heart and will come and cuddle up next to me if she thinks something is bothering me. She tells me all of her stories and every.single.detail. She's so much like her Mama. She shares with me selfies she's taken with her friends and keeps me informed of all the chatter amongst her girlfriends. I love how close we are.

I've had an outpouring of love from friends calling, texting, or asking me in person how I'm doing since Alec left home. I've really been quite overwhelmed by all the people who love me.

Today my big sister, Holly, called to check on me. She and I don't talk often, but I sure love it when we do. She told me today how she has been so teary eyed with Alec leaving for GSU and she couldn't imagine how I must be feeling. "He's like my very own," she said. Being that he was the first grandchild I think all of his aunts feel this way. I hope that boy knows how loved he is. Holly was so full of encouragement. My heart felt lighter after talking to her. I'm so glad we have her back!!!

My prayer buddies mean so much to me. I know if I text them they are praying and faithfully praying. I'm so thankful for them.

Jesus has been so good, so, so good to me.

With a full and grateful heart. . . Until tomorrow. . .

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Day 15 of 30 - Raining Sunday

This Sunday morning started out as a rainy day. Then it stopped. So Jon and I went running. Church doesn't start until 11:15. It's really nice to drink coffee, have time with Jesus, talk with my love, go on a run with him, and just not have to worry about the hustle and bustle of getting out of the house.

Jon and I got two miles in and had to quit because the rain got so hard. We had another wonderful talk today. I thanked him for our chats. They always do my heart so very good. We got home and I started getting ready for church. We were all dog tired and with the rain outside we decided to forego church this morning. They were having a night time connection tonight so we decided we'd do that.

We napped and went to Gigi's for lunch. It was nice to have a rest on a day God designed for us to rest. We had a great time at Gigi's, headed home, and then headed to church. We're starting to get plugged in and meet new friends, and that excites me. It's been a long time. . . too long.

We got back home and the girls were still working on CC. We had a day cut short this week since we had to go to Stockbridge on Tuesday. I don't like school going into the weekend, but gave them grace this week.

We put on a movie then all played Kinect. Now we're going to chill out some more and just enjoy being together.

Happy Sunday.

Until tomorrow. . .

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Days 13&14 of 30 - The Last Couple of Days

The last couple of days have been uber busy, like so busy I'm too tired to even process words. So I've combined two days into one post. Friday the girls and I went and saw Camelot Theatre's production of Peter Pan. It was really cute. We then headed to the skating rink. Alec told me he would be coming home around 3:00. I had planned on leaving the skating rink at 2:45 to beat him home. About 2:00 my phone rang. It was Alec, "Hey, Mom. I'm home. No one is here." I felt like a pile of poop. I explained to him where we were and apologized over and over.

He was really cool with it and had to go get his last check. That was the reason he came home. I'd like to think it was because he missed us and missed home. But, nah. . . it was because he needs money and he hasn't found a job yet. A Mom will get what she can take, right? When he pulled in the driveway I ran outside to meet him. I hugged him so tight and he hugged tight back. Normally he gives me what we call the "Alec pat" where he hardly hugs you but just pats your back. That kid has never been one for affection.

He came inside and he and the girls and I all sat around the table and talked. We laughed and talked and it was just wonderful. I took Hanna to gymnastics and came back home. I was cooking burgers on the stove along with making some homemade guac and bacon. Jesus allowed me to discover some things as I was cooking. . . things that will just make a Mama feel like she's been punched in the stomach. I've been really struggling over it. I wanted to address it right there and right then, but I knew that wasn't what was best because my emotions were so high.

I left to go get Hanna. I texted my prayer buddies to pray. I also called a friend of mine who I knew had had similar discoveries and said, "I need some advice and I need you to pray." She was so encouraging and sweet and full of wisdom. Before we got off the phone she prayed. After getting home and getting Hanna fed we all sat down as a family to watch TV. After a little while I went and got myself ready for bed except I did what I do a lot these days. I got down on my knees in my bathroom floor and I prayed and I cried. That's been a mark of this season of my life. . . on my knees in my bathroom floor praying and crying. After I finished I got my face cleared, kissed everyone goodnight and excused myself for bed.

I woke up at 2:45 a.m. and was unable to go back to sleep. My head was swirling. I eventually got up and worked until 5:00 a.m. As my eyes grew tired I headed to the sofa. I saw my Bible beside the couch. I picked it up and held it close. I told Jesus I needed Him to be so close to me and me so close to Him I just had to do what I knew to do in that moment, so I slept with my Bible. I've been through A LOT of junk and heartache in my 38 years  in this world. . . some of it beyond my control, some of it a result of my own actions. I've never felt the kind of desperation where I just had to sleep  with my Bible like a child would sleep with their favorite stuffed animal.

I woke up about 8:00. Jon was at the table and Hanna was beside me. I got a cup of coffee and Jon and I went on a run. Jon and I don't have a lot of privacy. Our girls (especially Hanna) love being with us. I cried the entire run. . . tears of a broken heart, tears of anger, tears of fear. Jon was so sweet and offered me such Godly wisdom and encouragement. I'm so thankful for him and his heart for others knowing Jesus and not morality or good works, for his heart of whatever it takes to know God's grace, for His reminders of the superheros of scripture who had really messed up stories. These were exactly the things my head and heart needed to hear.

I didn't have the energy to finish my run. Jon ran ahead of me and I walked. As I walked I told Jesus how mad I was and how I know I'm supposed to praise Him in everything, but this was difficult. "How can I praise you in this?" I asked Him. "I don't really want to praise You for this," I said like a spoiled child. "Why can't things be different, better? Why for some and not for others?" I questioned Him.

My feisty spirit within me started to quiet. He very sweetly whispered to my heart, "This is what is meant by the sacrifice of praise. . .when you don't want to praise me and you don't see how or why you should praise me, when you feel let down and discouraged, you praise Me anyway, because I know how this whole thing turns out, and I'm using it. You praise me sacrificially."

I later went to research sacrifice of praise. This is what I found. The Greek word for sacrifice means "to kill or slaughter for a purpose." I have to kill my sin in order to praise Jesus in those difficult moments. . .my sin of pride, selfishness, and fear. . . all for the purpose of praising Him when I do not understand or know.

For this is what it means to trust.

Until tomorrow. . .


Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Day 12 of 30 - Rants

On Tuesday we all, we meaning. . .the Fab 5 (now the Fab 5 minus 1 since Alec is at college), Lee and most of the time Natalie, all have dinner at Gigi's house. This all started out with Tuesdays with Gdaddy. Gigi was so thankful we were keeping him she fed us because that's her love language.

When the girls and I started going to Stockbridge Lee would come and stay with Gdaddy so he just stays over for dinner now.

There are personality types that are extremely passionate about whatever they're talking about. You bring up a subject and when they speak on it they will speak on it with passion and speak a lot about it. As I get older I try and talk less and observe more. We actually have a few of these personality types in our family. For the sake of this blog and laughter. . . let's just call them ranters. In our family we have one on Jon's side (at least) and one on my side (at least). These types normally have very strong opinions and you never wonder what their opinions are. . . because they're going to let you know . . . even if you don't ask them.

From what I've heard Jon's Granddaddy Hendrix was this way. In fact, stories are told about the extended family all sitting around and Jon asking a question that he knew would get Granddaddy Hendrix's gander up (normally about politics or religion). Granddaddy Hendrix would start going on a rant about it. Stories go Jon would ask a question and walk out of the room, leaving everyone there to enjoy the rant. *Grin*

Lee is a lot like this. This isn't a bad thing at all. It's just the way he works. I love the fact he's not afraid to speak his mind and you never have to wonder what he's thinking. Alec has been guilty of pulling a "Jon" on us all a couple of times. Asking a political or religious question, get Lee to going, and then walk out of the room. I will sit and listen to Lee. Sometimes I comment, but most of the time I just listen.

Gigi, on the other hand, right in the middle of his ranting will start to raise her voice above his and go, "All right, now. That's enough. All right." It makes me giggle. I will try hard to stifle my giggles, but a smile will always spread across my face.

This past Tuesday Lee was on a roll. Gigi sits at the table and says, "All right, now. That's enough. It's my turn to talk." Bahahaha.

And she talked. After about 15 minutes she then looked at me and said, "Now, Michele, it's your turn. You can have 15 minutes to talk."

I about busted a gut from laughing so hard.

I love different personality types and how God uses each for His purposes and His glory. Plus, it makes the world fun and puts a little extra gigs in my giggles.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Day 11 of 30 - Monday's Musings

CC day. I just love how Jesus gives new friends and brings old friends back into my life. I love our CC community so very much.

Alec called me yesterday. His first college class ever was golf. What a great start, huh!! I was so thankful he called me. We chatted for about 20 minutes during my lunch at CC. He is having a great time. He sounded so good and so happy. He was telling me about how many people he would see that he knows, that even though it's a big school it still feels small. His other roommate never showed up so now he and Nick (the roommate he actually shares a room with) will get their own rooms. I'm grateful for this for Alec.  He's always had his own space. I started praying for Nick before we even got out of the 'Boro. He seems a little shy and socially awkward. I prayed Alec would show him kindness and include him in things. Alec told me  Nick had been hanging out with him some because he doesn't know anyone. I'm so very grateful. My proudest Mama moments are when my children are kind to others.

After CC I had a dermatologist appointment. Jon has a big presentation at work today so I took Ash to soccer practice. We sat there for an hour waiting for them to call it. It was drizzling and lightening. They never did call it, but I decided I wasn't waiting until 9:00 at night sitting in a parking lot and having them call it then. She and I came home.

We had roast, potatoes, and carrots for dinner. I had put it on in the crockpot before we he left home that morning.

I'll be in Stockbridge today subbing for a tutor there. It will be good to see our Stockbridge peeps.

Until tomorrow. . .

Monday, August 17, 2015

Day 10 of 30 - The Short Version of Sunday

Worked on CC stuff. Behind because of the week of getting Alec off to school.

Church.

Gigi's for lunch. Laughter around her table.

Grocery Store. Whole 30 baby.

Prayer time with my prayer buddies. Love them so.

Home.

Finished up the movie Jon and I fell asleep too.

Jon getting ink for me at Walmart after 9:00 at night. We're like old people and don't leave our house after 8:00.

Cleaned up kitchen.

Jon brought back lactose-free, gluten-free ice cream for us all try. . .one word. . .YUCK. I'd rather drink my coffee black.

In bed after 10:00.

It's going to be a long day with less than six hours of sleep.

Until tomorrow. . .