Friday night all of the Fab 5 was home. Yay. So we celebrated and since we celebrate with food we went to our favorite pizza spot in town.
We laughed at our table, cracked jokes at one another, laughed some more and then Alec informed me when he goes off to college he's going to start going by James.
For whatever reason this stung my heart. Whether it is the reality of him leaving soon or the reality of him getting to choose what he will be called or whether it was even some sort of rejection I felt by always calling him Alec. . . I didn't like it.
And everyone at the table knew.
I just happen to have one of those faces that I wear every expression I feel. No one understood my dislike of this. . . including me. I just knew I didn't like it. Then I informed him in my best bossy Mama voice ever. . ."Well, you'll always be Alec to me. I don't care what you have other people call you."
Now, here I am a lady who gives just about everyone I know a nickname of some sorts. Very rarely do I even use the names people are called. . . including Alec.
As I've searched my heart maybe my heart stung because of this new phase we're entering into. I'm excited. I really am. Alec is in such a good place. . . probably the best place he's ever been in. I'm grateful.
This morning Alec had to go to church early. The youth band was playing for the special song at church so he had to play both services. He called me after the first service.
Alec: "This is weird."
Me: "What's weird, Bud?"
Alec: "I don't know. Normally I'm fine being by myself. I can pretty much talk to anyone. But being here by myself is just weird."
Me: "Is it because we're not there?"
Alec: "Maybe. I'm not sure."
Our conversation continued. But seriously, this was like a kiss from Jesus for me. He used this little phone call to reassure me my boy still needs me. . . even if he does want his college friends calling him James. Jesus used this to remind me that I'm still the one Alec looks to for reassurance and for comfort. What a sweet gift for Mother's Day.
As I watched Alec play at church, tears flowed from my right eye. It's always my right eye that drains tears first. I tried to stop it, but it flowed. Thankfully the other eye didn't get to going and it become an all-out crying fest. Sap!!!
Alec has really struggled these last few years. That's probably one of the reasons I tend to stay silent on here some. But as I watched him, he would mouth the words "all praise Him, all praise Him." That's why my tears couldn't be stopped.
He's that good-lookin' thing back there in the white shirt with the white bass guitar.
As I listened and as I watched that scripture came to my mind about through childbearing women will be saved(1 Timothy 2:15). I haven't exegeted that Scripture but what I do know is when I found out I was pregnant with Alec I was on the road to self destruction. I was wild, wanting to live free, yet under such strong conviction when I would lay my head down at night after a wild night of wild sin. I remember after finding out I was pregnant with him thinking, "I'm not worth God's love, but this child is." I stopped it all. Everything I was doing I stopped every single bit. It cost me friends and there were many times I was very lonely. But it was through all of this God continued saving me. It's all part of my story. . . through childbearing she will be saved.
And great are You, Lord.
It's been a really sweet day full of the sweetness and gifts that Jesus gives us.